Looking For and Finding the Good

I recall a conversation with someone who had been regularly attending our worship services. Where can I get a recording of these awesome worship songs? I cry every time we sing them.

While I have had this conversation many times before, this time was different – for me. I was slowly coming out of a season, a long one, where I was struggling to like my church. I was no longer apologetic, hemming and hawing over the fact that yes, we do have great worship here at VCCR and we have some of the most awesome homegrown worship songs around. Hidden in this rather small church (200 or so) in Cedar Rapids Iowa.

So I confidently told this person that typically 3 out of 4 songs done each week are homegrown, written by David, John, Kate or Rodney. This person was awestruck at the beauty and the giftings we had within this place called Vineyard Church Cedar Rapids.

And their passionate response fueled a fire in me that lasted the rest of the day. And spilled into my week.

A fire of yes.

Worshipping with homegrown worship songs is an incredible weekly experience. Our worship here is catalytic. It serves to bring people into the Presence of God which causes change in their lives. Our songwriters are gifted with a heart of worship, with talent to create. We have treasure that so far is rather hidden. But it is still treasure!

A fire of thankfulness.

Appreciating the gifts that God has given us here in this place. Redemptively remembering stories where people came into this place and the Lord physically and/ or emotionally healed them in the midst of worship.

A fire of confidence.

Knowing that we don’t have everything functioning according to what a church should have. Knowing that we are lacking in certain areas of serving our community. We choose to look for and find the good instead of wallow in our losses and lacks. Looking for and finding the good breathes confidence in who we are, not so much what we have or have not yet accomplished.

A fire of satisfaction.

Settling for God’s enough. Realizing that satisfaction is not resignation to our disappointments but a peace that settles in our hearts burning away regrets. A determination in looking and finding God’s enough. His enough is thriving, is alive. His enough is full of treasure and surprise. After all, His enough fed thousands of people with five loaves and two fishes.

And with all of these wonderful things, the ultimate in looking for and  finding the good is fixing our hearts and our lives on the One who embodies all good. For the Lord is Good with a capital “G”.

So what about you? Tell me your story where you paused long enough to look for and find the good.

When I Began to Like My Church Again

I realize that I had lost my ‘like’ for my church. And in that state I  nearly lost my ‘love’ for many of the people in this church.

Over the past 3-5 years there have been too many disappointments, hope deferred, too much giving power to those who have left – to their likes and dislikes, etc. My thoughts some days were consumed with their parting words, their parting shots at us, the pastors of this church. Some were my friends, some not as well known.

The cumulative effect of trying hard to help, trying hard to please, trying hard to minister to some of these people took it’s toll.

I found myself in a place where I realized that I didn’t like my church.

The one I have given most of my time, energy, and resources to.

The one Marty and I planted with such hope and zeal some 13 years ago.

The one where I had fun in the beginning getting to know and train up people to lead.

Yep. That one.

So here I am in May of 2011, getting ready for our first ever Sabbatical. Ten weeks of a much needed rest. A break from this church that I was supposed to ‘like’ and didn’t like anymore.

When suddenly God…

Used an autistic child named Dylan to interrupt our service, our church as usual. The one I no longer liked.

Dylan was a guest that day. So was his mom. She chose to sit right up front. Dylan decided to ‘preach’. Out loud, up front, moving and mimicking Marty as he attempted to teach.

Marty, after quite some time at this attempt, realizing that the people were riveted on Dylan’s ‘preaching’, decided to draw attention to what was happening.

He realized that God was in this interruption. This ‘elephant in the room’, (not Dylan) the God -timed interruption, had to be addressed. Hearts were on the line. There was an opportunity here to allow God to touch our hearts as we were being interrupted and stretched.

So as Marty brought autism front and center, to the platform, the tension in the room seemed to melt. Hearts seemed to be softened.

Let’s listen. What is God saying to us right now?

I began to look around the room and realized that all of our regular attending families that had children with autism were present. This doesn’t happen very often as it is very hard to pull the family together and physically get to church when you have an autistic child.

God gave me direction as I listened to Him. He said to bring all the families with autistic children up front. Then call all the men that were fathers or grandfathers up and ask them to bless these children, their families.

I then asked others, women, mothers, children to come forward and surround these families as pillars of prayer, holding them up in their tiredness and hopelessness.

And the people came forward. Men, women and children surrounded these heartbroken, weary families.

One man who never had the opportunity to be a father, gave a testimony in tears, confessing that he was one of those getting really irritated that a mother would let her child interrupt the sermon but when Marty began to explain the situation, that autism was involved, he began to weep, God began to change his heart. So he came up front to publicly apologize to Dylan and to his mom for his attitude.

This ‘elephant in the room, God-  timed interruption’ seemed to be the ticket to my road to recovery. My road to beginning to like my church again.

As a swell of satisfaction permeated my heart, something bigger than my ability to recover this liking and loving thing again was taking place.

There was a feeling of satisfaction. That’s the word I was hearing. Satisfied. Ahhh…I could feel some release from the angst that seemed to be with me every time I entered our church.

And then over the next couple of Sundays, God broke in with moments of satisfaction. It was a deep feeling, a sudden in-breaking. Homegrown worship songs that touched and began to heal our hearts, a new sense of community rising from the ashes of God’s dismantle. Ahhhh…

And then it was time to start this 10 week journey of sabbatical rest.

And I started the journey with a grateful heart…

Oh Bother!

I am beginning to think that I have some camaraderie with Winnie the Pooh. Some Pooh-isms just seem to flow out of my memory bank, somewhere tucked away for just the right perspective on life.

Like: I’m a Bear of Very Little Brain, and long words bother me.

Or: You can’t help respecting anybody who can spell TUESDAY, even if he doesn’t spell it right, but spelling isn’t everything. There are days when spelling Tuesday simply doesn’t count.

Oh bother…

Perhaps too much thinking can get in the way of creativity when it comes to writing and spelling?.

And the way Pooh Bear spells, why it’s so unlike the way I was raised to spell.

Every word, precise, used in the ‘right way’…Oh the thinks I ponder and the spellings I spell when I try this hand at writing, at being creative.

After all, what does it matter to me or my readers if I spell honey, ‘hunny’. To my rather rigid mind, it does bother me, but to my creative imagination, it looks and feels quite nice to write ‘hunny’ for I feel a bit more giddy and less thinking about the thinks I am pondering.

Yep, a bit more Pooh Bear in me should help unleash that creative imagination which I know is deep down there somewhere.

Through my years of aging, becoming wise and protective in my thoughts and my speech, choosing my words with more restraint sometimes than with wisdom, I have inadvertently placed boundaries around this thing called imagination.

Imagine that?

The very thing I have been asking God to expand in me, I have been protectively building walls up around it.

My imagination that is. The ability to creatively think outside the box.

Oh it sounds soooo fun to be able to write and think that way. Yes, that’s what I desire. But and there is a big but in the sentence, I am afraid to let God have the boundaries, the parameters that I’ve set around my imagination.

Oh bother!

Pooh was cool about who he was.

Pooh Bear wasn’t befuddled by too much jargon. He was simple.

And creative in his approach to life in the woods.

He would scratch his head a lot and think aloud. Yes, aloud! Whether there was an audience of one, two or none. Didn’t matter.

He hemmed and hawed and hummed and hmmmed his way through the hundred acre wood. Pondering and imagining all sorts of adventures.

His imagination oft times led him into trumped up troubles and worries that were quickly dispelled by the appearance of Christopher Robin on the scene. With his ‘silly old bear’ Christopher Robin would try to remedy the situation.

Now I am not really comparing my brain to a bear, especially an imagined bear but I do love the character that AA Milne let us in on, which was a big part of his own imagination.

Perhaps a sprinkle of carefree and somewhat crazy but loveable thoughts that are ‘thinked’ out loud, can set this old imagination free.

Pooh says: Poetry and Hums aren’t things which you get, they’re things which get you. And all you can do is go where they can find you.

Oh bother!

For more info on CPRR Blog Talks and to join us on our BLOG TALK journeys, visit www.callandpurpose.org or visit my blog @ www.sandyboller.wordpress.com

Have You Lost Your ‘Marvels’?

It seems that this sabbatical has been chock full of personal/family celebrations. Birthdays, anniversaries… every couple of weeks or so we stop our plans, stop doing normal, stop with our sabbatical-ing of studying, reading, writing, and…celebrate.

There have been wonderful mile markers for our family as we have added two new birthdays to our growing list of family celebrations.

We continue to add to the years of our marriage (36 years today!) and now celebrate this summer another first of many wedding anniversaries to come for our son John and his wife Andrea.

Celebrations, remembrances, milestones as our grandkids continue to grow up. As our grandbabies continue to move into toddlerhood. Amazing stuff we get to participate in as we put away the more mundane activities and trade the day for family celebrations.

But wait. Every summer for our family will be full of these same celebrations/ remembrances/ milestones. And more to come. The sabbatical we are taking this summer from our normal duties isn’t the reason that we get to participate in our family stuff.

So why does it seem much more like celebrations, much more like remembrances, much more like milestones, much more fun, much more anticipation of such events?

Today, I have had a discovery moment. I realized that this sabbatical has caused me to stop and take a look around, to take in the moment, the moments and to not just appreciate them but take the time to enjoy them. These times have become more kairos ( time as expectation) than chronos (time as duration).   This gift of sabbatical which has been recuperative and restorative has brought to the forefront the more important moments, those kairos moments, where I have desired to take the time out for remembering and for celebrating.

Marvelous! Marveling over these things… I have been marveling at God’s gifts to our family all summer long.

This is the discovery moment where I found my ‘marvels’.

You see, I had nearly lost my ‘marvels’.

Really now, don’t you mean ‘marbles’? Well, yes sometimes I feel like I have lost my marbles. But I really do mean ‘marvels’. That ability to marvel at something. Taking the time to allow God to show you something.  Or taking a moment to pause and consider something that just may have been overlooked in the past.

Another way of putting it is this: Have you lost the ability to be astonished? To be surprised? To consider an event or a season with awe?

The ability to be astonished…hmmm. The other day as I was pondering on this I realized that over the past couple of years I have nearly lost that ability to marvel, to be astonished, to be surprised by God, to hold on to His joy in the moment, in the going.

I nearly lost all my ‘marvels’. And losing the ability to marvel has nearly cost me my ‘marbles’.

I had been on a treadmill of endurance, just enduring the day, the week, the season without taking the time to really appreciate, to fully enjoy those moments. Life had been beating me down in more ways than I realized. Until I took the time to step out of the traffic for a season, this summer sabbatical season, and take a long loving look at God above everything.

Can you relate?

When was the last time you stood in awe, in astonishment, marveling at God’s handiwork, taking a look at His hand in your life and the lives of your loved ones, stopping and considering moments full of meaning?

Take the time today to put into practice what the psalmist wrote in Psalm 46:10:

Step out of the traffic! Take a long, loving look at me, your High God, above politics, above everything.

For when we find ourselves in the place of stepping out of the traffic of life and taking a good long look at Him, we will see the marvels of God! (v.8)

We will have found our ‘marvels’. And along with finding our ‘marvels’, perhaps we will recoup a few lost ‘marbles’!

For more info on CPRR Blog Talks and to join us on our BLOG TALK journeys, visit www.callandpurpose.org or visit my blog @ www.sandyboller.wordpress.com

A Hobby in the Making

Just last week I was asked if I was pursuing any hobbies during my sabbatical. I sputtered a bit with an “oh, I don’t know. Uh. Visiting my grandkids? Spending a day without doing anything on my ‘to do’ list? Writing, thinking, reading…”

As Marty and I have embarked on the “new to us” adventure of bike riding, I had not thought of it as a hobby. Oh, biking will be good for us at our age. We need some regular exercise. Or perhaps this will help our aging joints and growing waistlines…And on and on.

I hadn’t let myself off the hook that I simply wanted to ride a bike for pleasure, for fun.

Until today.

As we took on another wonderful Cedar Rapids trail, which started with a few inclines, ie. hilly for us novice riders, I began to realize that I didn’t need a reason for biking, I just needed to ride for the fun of it. For pleasure. A hobby!

There goes that word again. Hobby. I have a hobby. Hmmm. Hobbies should be fun.

I always wanted to establish a hobby. But with many starts and no finishes usually due to not being able to afford a hobby and/or losing interest after just one try, I would give up.

One time some 20 years ago I started to cross stitch. I say I started, because each time I actually finished a piece, I didn’t have the money to get it framed and stretched.

And then there was the time I tried knitting. I began by making a scarf. It became a looong scarf as I didn’t remember how to finish it off. I think I still have that sucker stored away somewhere.

But this biking thing seems to have life and vibrancy and fun to it that some of the other hobbies didn’t have for me.

I have lived here for 21 years and am just now discovering all the beautiful trails we have at our doorstep. Most of them are paved which is my kind of trail.

These trails are hidden treasures.

Today we came upon a bridge, cattails blowing in the wind, a river, streams, ditch lilies, farm fields fresh with the smell of (no, not manure) soybeans and much more. Our eyes feasted on both rural and residential all on one trail, with a pond or two thrown in the mix.

A hobby in the making. Biking for fun. Need I say more?

Getting Older

I’m 61 years old today. Wow, in some camps I qualify for seniorship or is it senioritis or just senile-itis…Hum! Ya’ll have to decide on that one.

And so I am getting old, well older as my mother would say. I might as well admit that to myself. And that is the hardest part – admission to one’s self that something obvious is happening but a part of me doesn’t want to let it sink in.

And yet as I wrote a few months ago in my blog titled  A Two Dimensional Life, God breaks into our present in order to show us how to live each day fully before Him rather than allow the past regrets and/or the future worries to conquer us. As we get older, we tend to lean more on that past/regret side and need to watch ourselves closely so that we don’t fall prey to living a one or two dimensional life.

It isn’t easy to live in the present when you desire for certain things to fall into place. Yet at the same time you know there are promises still waiting to be fulfilled and time seems to be running out, or we seem to be running out of options and gas!

So today, at this juncture, I can only enjoy this day, knowing in my heart that it is pregnant with futurity and that only the Lord knows what lies ahead, when promises and dreams come to fulfillment and how they come to pass under his redeeming thumb.

So, yes Lord. I choose to live today for that day. I choose to trust You as best I can for now that You will answer my prayer for this year – that You show me ways to experience joy and bring joy to others, that unique gifting where past and present collide into witty acts of purpose.

And that: I not stay more buried in my losses than aware of my gains.”(Joan Chittister – The Gift of Years)

She goes on to say: A blessing of these years is the transformation of the self to be, at long last, the self I have been becoming all my life – an oasis of serenity in a world gone sour on age, the very acme of life.

Proverbs 3:5-6 says: Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track. (Message Bible)

So today I choose to believe that the best is yet to be. I choose to live in the present, to enjoy this day, this April 18^th birthday day!

A Two Dimensional Life

A two dimensional life keeps us in a state of unrest – looking back, looking ahead. Regretting and wishing for …

God breaks in to the present. It is alive, moving, happening now, full of vim and vigor, breath, hopes. And more. It is life today. Moments now. As Tolstoy penned: What is the most important moment? The most important moment is now, for you may not have another one  like it.

If we could view our physical bodies under a most powerful microscope today, now, we would see amazing movement, sounds, cells reproducing, nothing stagnant – steeped in the past, nothing frozen- waiting for a future day to produce. Because life demands that our cells reproduce constantly, no stopping, no waiting or we would  soon be dead.

Our past, good, bad, and in between is just that – past, gone, except for the memories and lessons learned. To use for today.

Our future has yet to be. It can be dreamed about, planned, hoped for but this must have the context of now-today. Our minds, our hearts, our bodies teem with life today. Our future must be grounded in the NOW. What is God doing now-today that affects tomorrow?

Today grounds us. Today gives reason to our past and gives purpose for tomorrow.

So much of our time though is spent in regret or salivating about what the future might bring.

It is two dimensional at best.

And while we “while away” the day today consumed with trying to define our lives from what has been or from what we hope will be, we miss out on LIFE. Living, breathing alive life.

Today I was reading Jacob’s story in Genesis 28. Jacob leaves his family to find a wife and is heading for Padam Aram, to Laban, his uncle’s household to get a wife for himself.

Along the way, he camps for the night, falls asleep and has a dream. A stairway was set on the ground and it reached all the way to the sky; angels of God were going up and going down on it. (Gen.28:11-12)

Then God speaks, gives him the same blessing that Jacob’s father Isaac and his grandfather Abraham were given. Your descendants will be as the dust of the Earth; they’ll stretch from west to east and from north to south. All the families of the Earth will bless themselves in you and your descendants. Yes, I’ll stay with you, I’ll protect you wherever you go, and I’ll bring you back to this very ground. I’ll stick with you until I’ve done everything I promised you. (Gen. 28: 14-15)

Eugene Peterson writes that Jacob was consumed with two things at that point in his life. He was running scared from his twin brother, Esau, who hated him for swindling him out of his birthright and stealing the blessing that was to be his and at the same time he was hopeful, for he was on his way to find a wife.

These two things filled his life. Big things. And there was no room for anything else. Escaping from his past and running straight for his future.

So what about his today, his present day? In his dream God showed him that there was much more to his life than just running from his brother and finding a wife. God told him, Jacob, you are blessed and will be a blessing. I have a purpose for your life, and I’m going to complete it. I am with you and will not give up on you.

This dream suddenly plunged him into what was going on right then.

God had plans that were much grander than anything he had thought about. For Jacob was consumed with only two things, two dimensions to his life. His past and his future.

God broke in to his present and showed him that He was taking each day, Jacob’s “everyday day” and bringing purpose that had future meanings. Leading to a grand future.

So take note. We must live today for today is full of life and leads to the future.

Our past, good, bad or otherwise, brings color to our today. It is past experience when placed under God’s thumb of healing and encouragement that can make our todays more meaningful.

As I see it, I can spend today whining about what isn’t, pining about the good old days, whittling and wasting away the day, dreaming of a ‘better tomorrow’.

Or I can, with God’s grace and His indwelling presence and power, seize today and live it with all my senses at attention to Him who has my past, my present and my future in His hands.

(Words in italics taken from the Message Bible and from Eugene Peterson’s Sermon on Genesis 28.)

For more info on CPRR Blog Talks and to join us on our BLOG TALK journeys, visit www.callandpurpose.org or visit my blog @ www.sandyboller.wordpress.com